Have you noticed that most people have big “BUTS”? I’m not talking about physically, I’m talking about the word “BUT”.  This powerful little word shows up in both casual and intentional conversations. In the workplace, we hear it in feedback conversations, excuses and apologies.

This past March, my husband and I enjoyed an adventure of a lifetime…we went dog sledding north of Fairbanks, Alaska. The team’s Musher, Emily, a woman in her 20’s, was impressive. I noticed immediately that she was very tuned in to her team and lead them with grit and insight. The owner of 36 sled dogs, Emily introduced us to the ten chosen for this particular team. We learned that efficient sled teams are not created by placing the members according to their physical strength. Instead, positions are awarded based on character.

Over my career, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum when someone has cried in my presence. I either ignored their tears completely, feeling embarrassed and not knowing what to do or was too comforting, giving hugs and coming across as a mom. Neither were helpful. I later learn that there is an appropriate better way to handle emotions in the workplace.

Once I began in depth training as a coach, I learned how to best be with someone who is crying, especially at work. If a peer, direct report or colleague cries in your presence, consider that a complement.  You are likely considered trustworthy and have established yourself as an understanding person who offers a safe space.

Recently about half of my clients have burst into tears during a coaching session. While this used to happen occasionally, today’s overwhelming pressures are unending at work and home. This has resulted in professionals breaking down into tears and literally sobbing.

For over half of my career, I believed that showing sadness or tears at work was a sign of weakness. I was a stone. When I felt the tears welling up, I tightened my gut, bit my lip and held my breath. Instead of showing my true feelings, I appeared angry and uptight.

Do you feel mean or guilty when you say “No”?

Struggling to have the energy to do the things that are most important?

Did you just commit to another volunteer “opportunity”?

The problem may be that you’re stuck in people pleasing mode.

In a few short weeks, our lives have changed drastically. From the normal workplace and home problems to a pandemic with restrictions, social distancing, mandatory closures and working from home. The situation is changing every day. It begs the question, “What’s next?” This approach of social distancing to minimize the spread of COVID-19 creates another potential problem…isolation, disconnection and discouragement.

I don’t know about you, but my daily attire over the past couple of weeks has not matched. With all of the virtual meetings I wear business attire on the top and vacation attire on the bottom. Sometimes it’s not even a color match. This seems representative of the blur between working at home during this pandemic and attending to the needs of our family. All culminating into a lack of focused attention.

Nothing can zoom you up or deflate you like drama in the workplace. It detracts, derails and diminishes team effectiveness. I’m not talking about healthy conflict that sharpens a team but actual drama…when your co-worker or direct report loses control over a situation or they show up as a bully telling everyone what to do and when. Either way, drama slows everything and everyone down.  Worse yet, it erodes trust.