How to Say “Goodbye” When it’s Hard

Saying “Goodbye” can be really uncomfortable…especially when you don’t know what to say or you quite frankly don’t get along with the person. In today’s business climate and during the pandemic, we may have lost loved ones to death or colleagues that have resigned. We may or may not have had a chance to say Goodbye.

America’s total economy is down 7 million workers since February 2020. Many people have quit their jobs and the great resignation is accelerating. Employees and supervisors are leaving their jobs at record levels for the hope of something better.

Whether you are the one leaving or the one staying, saying Goodbye is important because you show honor and appreciation for the good the person brought you, plus the Goodbye brings closure so you can take in the grace and truth from that person. To illustrate this, think about how this person has filled your tank. The goodbye is putting the gasoline nozzle back in the pump and closing your tank before leaving the station.

After more than two decades, I left my long-time job seven years ago. Best thing I ever did! It was a move toward a passion and a dream I had for years. And it left me facing the awkward situation of saying Goodbye to co-workers and supervisors. I kept asking myself questions like this:

“How does one say Goodbye to a person they don’t like and won’t miss?”

“Do I say the same thing to everyone?”

“Should I send a mass email?”

“Should I sneak out and say nothing?”

“How do I get out of here without feeling embarrassed or arrogant?” 

“How do I make my Goodbye genuine and truthful?”  

I was in a conundrum. I remember wanting to just slip quietly away and to avoid saying goodbye all together. Determined to do something, I went to that trusted source… Google.  I found a little advice yet not completely what I wanted, so I muddled through.

 Since then I discovered there is a way to be both genuine and truthful when saying Goodbye, and you don’t need to avoid anyone. When working with the individuals in my Townsend Leadership Program, I encourage them to always say Goodbye with a BIG HEART.

Here’s how we do it:

·      Heart condition – Check how you are feeling inside.

If you’re feeling angry, wait for those feelings to subside. If you’re having difficulty with anger, call one safe friend and ask for them to simply contain your feelings. Don’t try to hold it in. Once the anger is subsided continue with these next steps.

·      Eyes – Look the other person in the eyes.

·      Affirm - Affirm the most significant strength you have experienced from that person. Even if this is a colleague, supervisor or direct report that you’ve had a strained relationship, I encourage you to find something to affirm even if it as small as their email signature choice.

·      Recognize- Recognize how they have personally impacted you.

It’s hard when an individual has hurt you. Saying goodbye is a time to give grace and offer forgiveness. In the tough stuff, speak to how the tough stuff helped you grow.

·      Thank You - Simply say “Thank you” and “Goodbye”

If it’s is appropriate to hug, this is a great time for that.

Here’s how a Goodbye might sound, “Hi Sylvia, I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye. You’re a natural when it comes to business and striving to exceed goals. At times this was hard for me and yet you’ve impacted me by challenging me to be more resilient. Thank you. I wish you success and goodbye.”

These simple steps can also be followed when saying Goodbye to a neighbor, friend, loved one, significant relationship or cherished pet. When there are tears, honor your emotions. They show the impact this person has had on you…that they have been significant to you and will be greatly and sadly missed..

Heidi Sadecky is a highly-trained executive coach with over 35 years of combined corporate and coaching experience. She helps her clients operate at a higher level, overcome workplace challenges and achieve measurable results.

She is an in-demand facilitator of the only Townsend Leadership Program in the North East United States.

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