What to do When People Cry at Work

In Is It OK to Cry at Work, I gave advice on what to do when you cry at work. I mentioned about half of my clients have recently burst into tears during a coaching session. I’m often with them in teary moments.

Over my career, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum when someone has cried in my presence. I either ignored their tears completely, feeling embarrassed and not knowing what to do or was too comforting, giving hugs and coming across as a mom. Neither were helpful. I later learn that there is an appropriate better way to handle emotions in the workplace.

Once I began in depth training as a coach, I learned how to best be with someone who is crying, especially at work. If a peer, direct report or colleague cries in your presence, consider that a complement.  You are likely considered trustworthy and have established yourself as an understanding person who offers a safe space.

When you’re faced with someone crying at work, here are my recommendations:

1.     Accept the person in their tears. Let them know it’s ok to cry.

2.     Show empathy, even if their emotions don’t make sense to you. Jump in the well with them. Feel with them. If this is hard for you to do, imagine a time when a similar situation happened to you. What were you feeling? You can say to the person who is crying, “That sounds really difficult and frustrating.” The person will either agree or share with you what they are really feeling.

3.     Have tissues available, but don’t hand them one. If the person wants one, they will reach for the box. If you hand them one, the subtle message is, clean yourself up. Personally, I prefer to feel my tears, but not the running nose.

4.     Sit with them and be aware that giving a hug may come across as parental putting the person in a child-like, one down position. It may send the message that the person is not strong enough to handle their own tears.

5.     Your presence is what’s needed now, not your words. Be okay with an uncomfortable silence.

6.     Resist the urge to keep talking, you may inadvertently change topics or shift the topic to being about you.

As stress and overwhelm are increasing in the workplace, expect to see more emotional outbursts. I hope these tips used with your emotional intelligence will help you be a more effective leader.

Heidi Sadecky is a highly-trained executive coach with over 30 years of combined corporate and coaching experience. She helps her clients operate at a higher level, overcome workplace challenges and achieve measurable results.

She is an in-demand facilitator of the only Townsend Leadership Program in the North East United States.