Exercise Your NO Muscle

Do you feel mean or guilty when you say “No”?

Struggling to have the energy to do the things that are most important?

Did you just commit to another volunteer “opportunity”?

The problem may be that you’re stuck in people pleasing mode.

During a recent Townsend Leadership Program, one of the team members was stuck in people pleasing mode. When Allen joined TLP, he was overcommitted, over-served, over-networked, under-delegated and flat out exhausted. Allen’s problem of not being able to delegate work to his direct reports caused him to take responsibility for tasks far beneath his pay grade. The reason? He didn’t want to feel mean or guilty or over burden his team members.

During TLP gatherings, Allen benefited from the support and encouragement of the team.  They encouraged him to have difficult conversations, to hold to his boundaries and honor himself. He discovered that asking people to take responsibility was in their best interest. In a very short time he noticed less stress, less frustration and enjoyed more margin in his week. He was more calm and now readily available to enjoy the things he had been neglecting.

Allen is not alone. A lot of effective leaders struggle with saying “No”. Today during Townsend Leadership sessions this is how I teach members to say “No”

Honor yourself.

Saying “No” doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It’s about not taking responsibility for things you are not to be responsible for. In other words, take care of your own lawn and let your neighbor take care of his.

Manage your commitments.

Be clear with yourself about what is most important to you and shed what doesn’t fit. Ask yourself, what can I stop doing? What can I put on pause? What can I delegate?

Say “No” at least two times a day.

Even if it’s something that sounds really tempting, we can’t say “Yes” to everything.    You don’t need to give an excuse. As Dr. John Townsend suggests, simply say five words, “That doesn’t work for me.”

Create a support team.

Yes, really. Even the most effective and successful leaders need a support team. As a TLP Director, I’ve learned that leaders can often be blind to over committing, over responsibility and not saying “No”.

Facing difficult conversations is hard for the best of leaders. Having a team-like support of other leaders will help you discover the ways you’re holding yourself back and give you the encouragement to do the best tough things. The next time you’re struggling with your “No” muscle, review these four steps and see if it helps. Take the initiative. You can do it!

Heidi Sadecky is a highly-trained executive coach with over 30 years of combined corporate and coaching experience. She helps her clients operate at a higher level, overcome workplace challenges and achieve measurable results.

She is an in-demand facilitator of the only Townsend Leadership Program in the North East United States. Learn more here.