How to Lead During Times of Grief and Struggle

By Heidi Sadecky, MA,PCC – Executive Coach & Director, Townsend Leadership Program

Leadership is tough, even on a good day, but what about when you have a personal struggle, tragedy, or death of a loved one? It can feel disorienting, confusing, and ineffective.

Throughout my career, I’ve had to lead people and projects at times of blindsiding loss, the looming passing of loved ones, and struggles with teenagers. It’s hard to focus…it’s hard to lead. Most recently, in the middle of a training day, I had to make a decision to get my golden retriever to the emergency vet. It was a tough call to stop the training day and go to the vet. I thought people would not understand and be upset with me…I experienced the opposite…care, prayer, hugs, and help. A day later, we had to say a heart-wrenching goodbye to Tate. What made leading easier in my struggle this time was:

1. Have a Life Team

Leadership can feel isolating. We falsely believe we can’t share tough things with people. You can achieve this by connecting with the right people outside of your workplace. Form a team consisting of 5 to 8 individuals who are willing to support you. This team should be composed of people who are open to sharing your emotional burdens and who accept and stand by you. By doing this, you won't have to bear the heavy burden of grief on your own. During the loss of Tate, this support network made a significant difference for me.

2. Be Vulnerable

Don’t hide your distressing emotions with your team, allow them to show. Allow a tear or two to be seen. It means you are real and relatable. If the emotions are going to be really big, share those first with your Life Team. Bawling is to be reserved for the time with those in your Life Team.

3. Have Boundaries

Grief is a fluctuating experience, it comes in waves. Reflecting on challenging family situations requires both time and mental clarity. Prioritize setting aside dedicated time to process these difficult emotions. Consider rescheduling meetings and entrusting more tasks to your team to create this space for yourself. Research indicates that actively engaging with and processing loss leads to a faster recovery. Ignoring it may prolong its effects and manifest in unhealthy ways.

4. Give Yourself Grace

You will accidentally drop the ball on things. Mistakes can happen; it's a natural part of life and to be expected during times of grief. When your mind is under stress and not functioning at its optimal level, these slip-ups are to be expected. This is entirely normal. Show yourself the same compassion you'd share with others who are grieving. Be kind to yourself.

In the demanding world of leadership, where every decision carries weight and every action sets the tone, it's easy to forget that we're not invincible. We all face personal struggles, and they can strike at the most unexpected times. Remind yourself that it's in these moments of vulnerability that true leadership shines. It's okay to be real, to let our emotions show, and to set boundaries that protect our precious time for healing. And above all, we must remember to grant ourselves the grace we so readily offer others. In doing so, we not only lead through our struggles but also become beacons of authenticity, empathy, and resilience, inspiring those around us to do the same. So, as you navigate the complex path of leadership amidst personal trials, remember that your humanity is your greatest asset, and your ability to lead with grace and authenticity is the beacon that lights the way for others.

Heidi Sadecky is a highly-trained executive coach with over 30 years of combined corporate and coaching experience. She helps her clients operate at a higher level, overcome workplace challenges and achieve measurable results.

She is an in-demand facilitator of the only Townsend Leadership Program, a unique and highly effective group coaching program located in the North East United States. Her newest leadership development program, E4 (Equip. Explore. Experience. Excel.) launched in the spring of 2023. Invite Heidi to speak to your group, or learn about her upcoming programs here.